If you’re reading this, it means I made it and am clicking the morphine button like mad, possibly barfing my brains out and can’t really move, let alone type. I’m gonna be golden in a day or two (or five) and my best friend Christine is posting this for me.

How did I do? I just followed my best friend Sofia’s instructions:

“Mary — Tomorrow you go in there like a rockstar! You go in there like Keith Richards at his last physical. You go in there like LeBron James every season. You go in there like Ronda Rousey in her last fight. You go in there like Pacino in every movie he does. You go in there like Beyoncé before every concert. You go in there like Bradley Cooper in American Hustle. You go in there in Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. You go in there like Chris Martin on Clocks. You go in there like the NY Mets in 86. You go in there like Jordan in 93, 94, 96, 97 and 98. You go in there like a Golden on college graduation!!! You go in there and WIN!!”

And I did… and they wheeled me outta there like a boss.

Even if I haven’t had a chance to respond, I’ve seen and read every call, text, email and comment. You’ve surprised me, helped me and lifted me up. “Love actually IS all around.” I couldn’t be more blessed.

I’ll be recovering on Long Island for the foreseeable future. Until next time…

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[OUTAKES FROM ALL OF MY GOLDEN GIRLS — THEY ARE THE REASON I I LIVE]

Be like Freddie Mercury opening night in Montreal
Be like Bret Michaels on the Rock of Love bus
Be like 50 Cent without his bulletproof vest
Go in there like when T-Rex was the king of the dinosaurs
Go in there like when BIG was the king of rap
Go in there like when Billy Joel when he made Uptown Girl
Go in there like when Julia Roberts went back to Rodeo drive after those bitches dissed her (#winner)
Go in there like Jeremy Lin on the Knicks in 2012
Be like Enimem at the end of 8 mile
Go in there like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting when he “got her numba… how do you like them apples” (those pretentious, preppy Harvard punks)
Go in there like Nitro from the 1980s American Gladiators
Go in there like Kevin Bacon in Footloose
Go in there like Missy Misdemeanor Elliot rapping “Work It” in 2002
Go in there like Forrest Gump running across the country
Go in there like any time Matt Damon was Jason Bourne, ever
Go in there like Henry Hill in Goodfellas (Karen, we needed that!)
Go in there like Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games
If you EVER need a good pre-mastectomy pep rally, my girls got you.#Golden #BitchesBeCrazy ❤

6 thoughts on “all drugged up, but i nailed it

  1. I just found out what was going on now and wanted to let you know in thinking of you And sending you healing prayers and good vibes! You’re such a fighter and kickass in my book! Keep on keepin on!

    Like

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